Premature ejaculation is one of the most difficult things to bring up. When it happens with a new partner, the man may be embarrassed and would rather ghost and disappear than deal with the matter directly. When it happens with a regular partner, there will probably be feelings of awkwardness and inadequacy on both sides.
Fortunately, early ejaculation doesn’t have to be a long-term problem. There are lots of new remedies, including gels and oral strips. But even before your man looks into solutions, he has to open up about the problem. This can be hard for him, because he feels insecure in his manhood. He might even feel that he has failed you.
Early ejaculation is often a one-off incidence caused by exhaustion and fatigue. It can also happen if you have recently had intercourse, or if you haven’t had sex for a prolonged period. If it’s something that has only happened once, try not to make it a big deal. It’s when it frequently recurs that you need to address it, for both your sakes.
Many men will attempt to hide the problem. If they experience early ejaculation, they will typically respond in two ways. They might try to bluff their way through it, becoming over-eager when initiating sex. This may be their attempt to prove themselves.
They might also go the opposite route and avoid sex altogether, for fear their premature climax will happen again. This frustrates both partners and can seep into other areas of the relationship, affecting your intimacy and communication.
Bringing up ejaculation problems is a sensitive matter. Your man might feel attacked or judged. If he goes on the defensive, it will sabotage any chance of resolving the issue. Some men might even go to the other extreme and try to blame their partner.
Unfortunately, this approach may make the whole situation more challenging. You might already be blaming yourself, feeling unattractive, and wondering if he still likes you. You might also worry that he’s been with someone else and that his other partner is what prevented him from performing at his usual level.
If you’d like to help your man through this, you may have to pull yourself out of the equation for a moment and focus on him. Sometimes, the cause for his early ejaculation is psychological. He might be anxious, stressed or depressed about work, or possibly about your relationship with him.
Talking things through will help to identify the trigger, and it might be something you can resolve together. Even if it turns out to be a medical matter, he may need your moral support as he undergoes his treatment. It’s best to approach the matter in a safe, intimate space.
Tell your partner what’s on your mind. Try to use ‘I feel’ phrases so that he knows you’re not blaming him, you’re just telling him how this sexual challenge is affecting you. Be careful to avoid blaming either him or yourself, since this will add the pressure, and that can make things worse.
You might tell him, for example, that you’re wondering if you’ve said or done anything to distance him from yourself. Recognise that a lack of intimacy may affect his bedroom ability, but don’t say it out loud, since he may interpret this as blame. Or you might ask him if he’s upset about anything at work or with his family.
Talk to him about organic techniques of solving the problem. You might try the squeeze method or the start-stop style. You can also try other forms of sensual pleasure so that you can take the pressure of penetrative intercourse. This can help him relax enough to last longer in bed. You can read articles together, or watch instructive videos.
If it’s been going on for a while and these methods haven’t helped, consider getting professional help. Discuss it as a possibility rather than a foregone conclusion, and don’t push him into it. He can start by seeing a doctor for a general check-up to see if he has any issues like diabetes or high blood pressure. These diagnoses might affect his performance.
Once medical issues are ruled out, then he can attempt a treatment that is specifically designed for premature ejaculation. Modern medicine has developed many early ejaculation solutions. Discuss the available options, and if he lets you, go with him when he talks to a doctor. It will be good for both of you, and will probably bring you closer.